23 and 364 days

Potentially another whiney blog, so apologies in advance.

Over the last couple of days I've come to a realisation of why I am dreading tomorrow so much.

For me, being 24 signifies the beginning of a ticking clock - I guess that's the only way I can put it, as cliché as it sounds.

I'll point out at this point, for those who don't know me so well, that I have NEVER been the type to want to settle down, get married, have kids and all that jazz. I've always wanted to put myself first and be a "career girl". And I've managed it quite well.

But 24 has always been the age that I suppose I set in the back of my mind as being the limit. It's not as if I randomly picked that number out of the sky either.

My mum and dad married when they were 19 and 20. My mum, always responsible, wanted to ensure they were comfortable financially and emotionally before they began starting a family. And she fell pregnant with me when she was 24.

Part of me, the irrational part is now thinking I need to hurry myself up and get my arse into gear, settle down, start a family before it's too late.

And the rational part of me knows that is ridiculous and times are different now, and I could quite easily wait until my 30's to start shooting out sprogs. But Miss Irrational still likes to put in her opinion on the matter when I start justifying to myself.

So forgive me if I'm not bouncing off the walls because it's my birthday tomorrow. I'm arguing with myself.

The "I'm Feeling Sorry For Myself But This Is How I'm Going To Make It Better" Blog

It's exactly what the title suggests Ladies and Gents, so prepare to be bored. I'm gonna try not to be too self indulgent - to be honest, I have hardly anything to whinge about, love my job, friends and family. But everyone always has something, even if it's a little thing, in their lives which they are dissatisfied by. And personally, I can't even put my finger on what it is that I'm unhappy about!



But that doesn't mean I'm gonna just sit back and not bother to care!



I turn 24 on Friday. Now, I'm not a half-glass-empty kinda person, but I have my moments. For example:

• I have never been abroad
• I've never even been north of bloody Birmingham
  
• I can't drive
• I've never done an "all-nighter"
• I've never been a student or done the student thing
  

But on the flip side:

• At the age of 18 I was made guardian of my (then) 14 year old brother (and handled it pretty God damn well even if I do say so myself)
  
• I've never been unemployed for longer then a couple of weeks
• I've lived independantly from my parents since I was 18
• I have an amazing relationship with each member of my immediate family
• I've never had a fight :D
  

But as always, I focus on the negatives.



So instead of New Years Resolutions, I'm making New Me Resolutions. They'll probably last just as long (2 days) but what the hell, it gives me something to aim for.



I'm not even intending to set anything like, "Give Up Smoking" Bollocks to that, I enjoy smoking. I know it's bad for me, but it's one of my only vices so I'm gonna let myself have it. I just want to know that I'm trying to be a happier person. Everyday I want to do something either creative or new. Whether it's try a food I've never had before, find a new band to obsess over, go somewhere different, draw a picture, write more of my story, whatever - I just want to achieve something every day. Otherwise whats the point?



The other side of this is image.



Years ago, any one could have gone out with the intention of buying me clothes, jewellery etc, and thought "That's very Leigh" But not so much anymore. I feel like I've lost a sense of what I am. Especially when I look at other girls the same age, or younger, who look so confident and happy with themselves and their identity.



So thats another thing to change.


:)
x

New blog!

Well to be honest, I'm a bit torn between just carrying on from my old blog (http://lilmissm.tumblr.com/) or whether to just start all over.

So a bit of a brief about me and whats going on at the moment;

>I'm trying to put on weight. This is something I've been constantly doing for most of my life but have been trying extra hard the last few months. I'm failing. I still don't weigh 8 bloody stone. Hmpf.

>I'm trying to be a domestic goddess. I have become so lazy the last few years and relied on other people to do stuff for me. So I'm trying to get domestic again. Not doing too bad as this one, but still not of goddess status.

>I'm attempting my first novel. I love writing, always have done. So I became inspired a few weeks ago and have been trying to get to grips with the discipline of writing. Not doing too badly at that but not as committed as I probably should be.

So that's pretty much what this blog will revolve around.

x